Dear God, Are You There?

There are many ways to address God—talk to God. Paul writes that the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous person avails much. I pause at the word fervent. How do I sound fervent? Would it be in the name of the Father or heavenly Father or dear heavenly Father God? I have many variations of just plain Dear God.

Dear God how am I? It’s an innocent enough question. What’s the answer—the politically correct answer? Fine, okay, and couldn’t be better—each par for the course. Since I call myself a Christian, I’ve a plethora of expected responses that lead with the perfunctory blessed. There’s blessed and highly favored, thankfully blessed, praise the Lord blessed. Whatever answer I chose—I ain’t fine and I don’t feel blessed!

Dear God I’ve done all the right things but my five-sensed world continues to spiral out of control. Days ago I asked two women friends to pray with me for courage as I continue learning what it means to walk by faith and not by sight. What the bleep is that anyway?  And yes, I bleeped. My faith has to grow beyond what I see—un-gainfully unemployed and bills still gaining on me. 

Photo Courtesy : Heart WindowsArt's Photostream: flicker.com

Dear God, there’s no doing anything to get something from you, even if I have done the right things; pay my tithes, attend church every Sunday, and pray (I’ve not mastered the ‘without ceasing’ part). After all, that’s what every self-respecting pastor will tell his or her people. My ears deaf-out at the new formula of the day—emerging purposes for poor Jabez revealed in any number of days. I do believe Luther nailed treatises on a door for such blatant robbery of the people by the ruling church of that day. My heart cries and my mind explode as I move beyond the formula and question You!

Dear God what am I doing following you? What am I doing? You said you’d take care of me and it’s not happening—like I expect, like I want. In your silence I am afraid of the unknown—of failure. And, in the eyes of this place where I live, I have failed because I’ve chosen to walk further and deeper on a narrowing path.

Photo :"The incredulity of St. Thomas" by Mattia Preti; Courtesy: Matthew Sharris

I am afraid to walk by faith and not by what I see. But I’ve no other choice. What I’ve been doing hasn’t worked. My fig leaves are falling (and that’s another story) and the Christian self-help author’s formula is for them—not me. The Christianese formula of church speak, peck on the cheek, pat on the back, and frozen smile doesn’t make them like me, love me, chose me. Dear God!

I am looking for you, wanting to know more about you. I’ve driven through this country looking for you in all the un-churched places. In the nooks and crannies of interstate highways, bi-ways, side roads, and turn-around dirt roads; stopping in homes, motels, cabins, hotels, restaurants, and sidewalks. Where are you in the madness we’ve created, I’ve created? Dear God, I’m still looking for you.

I just want us to talk. Maybe you can tell me how to be okay with not fitting in the box I see encasing people I encounter. Because I don’t know what to do when I’m staring at the verses in my Bible and there is no peace within my heart. There are no feelings—just stripped bare, naked and genuinely alone. There is no keyboard playing, tambourine tapping, or voices breaking song barriers. It’s just me silence shrouded in a threadbare chair crying dear God. I do believe, just help my unbelief.

Comments

Amen! I, too, have been seeking. I also read The Shack (good read,) attend church regularly, pay tithes, pray, fast, etc. To be honest, I believe the search is the purpose - for if we find Him, then what? We get our answers, then what? What if we don't like his answer, then what? I have grown comfortable with not knowing. I prefer the questioning phase, it's open, continuous, flexible. Ask me on a different day, and I'll have a new set of questions. Questioning is on-going, whereas an answer is final. If God answers, that's it. The only thing left to do is act, do, whatever it is God says. Think of Moses, or Abraham. They spoke to God and He replied, but consider the answers they received. What a burden! How is you documentary going? I'd love to learn more.

Hi Renee,

You've written a thought-provoking article. I consider myself and God to be on speaking terms, but found Him when I stopped looking to churches and outside of myself, but inward...and realized He'd been there all along.

Debbie

Hi, thought perhaps you would be interested to read the book "The Shack" (please see review www.theshackbook.com) which is fiction and very interesting...perhaps from this book you can understand God better and answer to your many ??? in life.

Shalom!

Renee, Thank you. You voiced what I could not verbalize with my own mouth. Dear God, I do believe too. Please help my unbelief.